Co-dependency as a disease. What are the dangers of co-dependent people?

Co-dependence is, first of all, extreme emotional and mental immersion in the life of another. A person dissolves in the other partner, in the relationship, forgets himself, his problems and his needs. Controlling and helping the co-dependent becomes the goal of the life of the dependent member of the relationship.

   What is characteristic of a co-dependent person:

• self-hatred, self-denial;

• desire for the love, care and custody of the co-dependent;

• anger and aggression (often suppressed);

• dependence on other people's opinions;

• tends to take on other people's problems;

• puts the other person's needs above his or her own;

• self-harming;

• inability to accept compliments;

• the importance of being needed, significant;

• lack of judgement;

• total self-suppression.

Co-dependent people do not recognise the problem. They act as if nothing has happened. To avoid thinking about the main problem, addicts have to constantly do something, believe lies, make mistakes. They hear only what they want to hear and see only what they want to see. 

Denial and oppression help them live in a world of illusion because the truth of life is simply unbearable for them. Denial promotes self-deception, and self-deception is destructive, it is a form of spiritual humiliation, loss of moral principles. Co-dependent people constantly deny the presence of any painful signs of co-dependency. Denial makes it difficult to turn to specialists, allows co-dependence to develop and aggravates personal and family problems.

Stages of co-dependency

Co-dependency in the early stages. Gradually it becomes the central theme of life. A person's behaviour changes. He is forced to bring the problem of a loved one to the forefront and give up his own path of personal development, including spiritual development. Mood swings, previously unusual character traits are formed (vulnerability, sensitivity, hysteria, loudness, etc.)

In the middle stage, the condition of the addict hardens. Self-esteem decreases. Sometimes it is an attempt to get out of the deadlock, but more often it is self-deception, persuasion, narrowing of the circle of interests, meetings, business contacts, frequent quarrels, scandals, sometimes inadequate actions.

The last stage: apathy, despair, fatigue, sometimes withdrawal into illness, attempts to solve the problem at once, possible suicidal thoughts, breaks in society.

 Treatment of co-dependency

It is very difficult for a person to change his worldview on his own. His whole inner nature opposes it, because it is much more comfortable to live with old problems. 

It is very difficult to live with this disorder. Gradually the co-dependent's relations deteriorate not only with others, but also with the addict himself, the person isolates himself in his problem. Quiet suffering often leads to suicide.

Consultations with a psychotherapist can help people to understand why they have built up this particular pattern of relationships with the outside world and how to deal with it. Awareness is the first and most important step in combating the problem. Co-dependency is a learned behavioural pattern.